Deerington - deerlyBeloved

[extremeteenbible]

deerlyBeloved: PlantDaddy Sorry, ladies and gents. This piping hot dad is only interested in two things: dwarves and plants. Unless you've got a full beard or pistols and/or stamen, you'd better be swiping left.

( merle highchurch | 204 (or 304) | M | dwarfsexual/florasexual )

SWIPE NO THANKS <img src="https://66.media.tumblr.com/a6f8327c12d9de6e7833100436793561/tumblr_inline_p8fqecuApc1ry72eo_75sq.png">

MAKE A FRIEND <img src="https://66.media.tumblr.com/b5c8b32702018ac66acf5e0c27976429/tumblr_inline_p8fqecH2FM1ry72eo_75sq.png">

LET'S DATE <img src="https://66.media.tumblr.com/8512ec8c922495a7c510b6ce653c445a/tumblr_inline_p8fqedB3Gs1ry72eo_75sq.png">

SWIPE RIGHT TO BONE TOWN <img src="https://66.media.tumblr.com/297479eefd1dfd15bb78cc0d6fc71c87/tumblr_inline_p8fqecmgiF1ry72eo_75sq.png">

Comments

text; un: TheGreenKnight

[laminae]

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

what the glob

[What is he even looking at here.]

[extremeteenbible]

[ If Merle were tech-savvy at all, he'd be able to go and check out "TheGreenKnight"'s profile.... but he isn't.

Instead he just gets a ping on his weird new smartwatch and opens it up, not really knowing what's going on. ]

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh is right

Who even wrote this???

[laminae]

[Fern is forever grateful, he hates his profile so much.]

uh well i hope you didn't

because gross dude

you're like a grandpa

you should be doing old people stuff not trying to get dates with plants

[extremeteenbible]

I'M NOT A GRANDPA I'M A DAD.

don't go giving my kids kids already. my oldest is only 50 for Panssakes.

[laminae]

what

for pancakes

who even says that

also 50 is old too

[extremeteenbible]

F O R   P A N ' S   S A K E S

Pan. my God.

who I worship.

and 50's not old for a dwarf. 50's like Teenager years.

[laminae]

yeahhh never heard of him

her? them?

how am i supposed to know that i'm not a dwarf

[extremeteenbible]

him.

What are you then? one of the millions or billions of humans who live on this dumb plane and wouldn't knwo any other sentient races if they bitthem in the ass?

*know

*bit them

[laminae]

no dude

for starters, i'm a plant

I'm sorry

[extremeteenbible]

OH.

well, Hello there...

[laminae]

[Well, Grass Demon is intrigued. Fern's pretty disturbed though.]

SECONDLY i am 16
17

one of those

not interested in some gross old grandpa pervin on my like Ice King used to perv on princesses

[extremeteenbible]

[ OH SHIT OH FUCK DID HE JUST FLIRT WITH AN INFANT ]

yyyyyyyyyyuck-ola!

I'm sorry, my man. didn't mean to yuck on your yums.

[laminae]

[Very smooth, Merle.]

grod you're still being gross man

[extremeteenbible]

can we just

Forget this whole conversation ever happened?

LET"S START OVER

Hi. I'm Merle.

[laminae]

[That... is not a bad idea, really. Maybe they can even figure out some way to delete all the text messages.]

ok
yeah

i'm fern

[extremeteenbible]

[ Good idea! Fern, you're a teenager... you're good with technology, right??? ]

Fern! like the planet! I get it!

*plant not planet

[laminae]

[If "good with technology" means "good at breaking technology" then yes, very good.]

uh huh

i'm not a fern though

well

one could grow on me i guess

i'm made out of grass

[extremeteenbible]

then why isn't your name Gramineae?

That'd be more accurate.

[ Why yes, he knows the scientific name for grass. ]

[laminae]

[Guess who doesn't know the scientific name for grass, or any plant whatsoever.]

i

what

is that even a word

i said im grass

g r a s s

[extremeteenbible]

THAT IS GRASS.

it's just the fancy science name for grass.

Believe me, I know grass.

[ Haha, get it? A weed joke! ]

[laminae]

oh

[Wow, he learned something.]

okay well

my name used to be Finn but i'm not him anymore
so getting called Grass Finn all the time wasn't great
fern was kind of the first thing i thought of
it isn't great

[extremeteenbible]

No, no! I like it!
Feel
Fern! from Finn! But with grass!

Had a nice ring to it.

*has

[laminae]

uh
thanks i guess

[He still isn't sure he agrees but that's fine.]

Merle is a cool name too

[extremeteenbible]

thanks!
Don't go wearin it out or anything.

[laminae]

ha ha i'll try not to

so you've gotta be new to town right

[extremeteenbible]

Sure am!
i was down in Pennsylvania before I got here. not sure why I can't seem to go back down, but everybody I know is up here so why bother, right?

[laminae]

pennsylvania
that's a new one
that a city?

huh, who else do you know here?

[extremeteenbible]

my boy Taako's here. from TV?
and his sister, and his boyfriend.
then Madame Director and Angus McGillicuddy, boy-whatever.

the only one who's missing is Magnus. my bet is he's still down in Pennsylvania.
which is a state. Maurtia Falls is the name of the city.

[laminae]

never heard of any of them
or maurtia falls

it's cool that you've got so many people here, though
it'll probably make it easier when all the messed up stuff starts happening

[extremeteenbible]

what sorta messed up stuff?

[laminae]

food shortage right now so you're all probably going to starve to death
pollen was making everyone see something that made you go crazy
evil clowns
sewer monsters trying to eat people
town residents going bonkers and smashing stuff up and attacking people
hallucinations, a lot of hallucinations
getting other people's thoughts in my head right now, that isn't so great

that sort of thing